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Anna Nicole Smith? Did I miss something? Anna Nicole Smith?

For several weeks, every media outlet short of the Ham Radio Operators Guild breaks in with the latest news and startling information on Anna Nicole Smith. Being the career journalist that I am, my only logical assumption is that I have missed some boat entirely.

Did she win a Nobel Prize and no one told me? Which terminal disease exactly did she cure? Now I will admit that, prior to these last few weeks, I knew about as much about Anna Nicole Smith as rapid weight loss or octogenarian nuptials. And I must admit that I know little more now, save that every television channel between ESPN and the scrolling abyss that tells me when Sportscenter next airs on ESPN remains infatuated with the woman.

A Pulitzer Prize winner dies in an upscale New York apartment, and every newspaper in America runs a four inch box in its “deaths of national note” section, hidden away on some printed page no right-minded person could find with a magnifying glass and flashlight. A noted philanthropist dies penniless from the millions of dollars spending themselves on better causes elsewhere, and her sole survivor spends an hour listening to the local editor explaining why her paragraph never made the “deaths of national note” section.

But Anna Nicole Smith is another matter. Taking her proper place among such hallmarks of humanity—the Berlin Wall, Watergate, the Kennedy assassination—Anna Nicole Smith lights up television screens and Nielson Ratings like a Las Vegas midnight. Is anyone else asking why?

This country is at war. Presidential candidates are gearing up for an election that will choose sides throughout a country divided. Even a half hour on melting ice caps would be welcomed at this point. But Anna Nicole Smith?

Some things, evidently, are not to be understood. On behalf of my profession, our apologies for yet another.